To anyone still reading my blog, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I've been blessed with so many people, some close and some not so - who loves me, my ideas, thoughts and my writings. It's funny that the moment I felt compelled to revive this blog of mine, I kid you not, there was about 15-20 people asking why I stop blogging. And then some asked "do you have a blog?" Most people say they miss it and some people say, "I just want to know what you do and how you live your life?" I took it as a strong sign convincing me to restart.
I've been compelled to write several months back but the coward me was in constant fear of not wanting to appear 'show off'. I wanted to stay in the mainstream, low-key and be acceptable. I didn't want people to be angry with me because I have it all - the house, the sunny state, the husband, the luxury in life - or so they think. It is the anger, blame and jealousy is what I can't handle. I couldn't face it, I cowardly quit.
Oh... The vanity you might think, but believe me, it did happen. I've gone through issues with people just because I am 'luckier' than everyone else. And because of that reason, I am NOT allowed to be depress or anything lack of. I'm suppose to be responsible to help others out of my own expense.
But what about me? Am I suppose to work and please others until I get sick? Some forget I am only human. Moreover, the life I live and the materials I own deserves to be mine. As selfish as it sounds, I did work for it. Don't I deserve my triumph? It is a decade of hard work. The pictures you see in Facebook? It's only a tiny fraction of my life being portrayed to the public. Ninety percent of it is behind the curtain - working, struggling, pinching pennies, sweating, hurting and just living.
Admittedly, I didn't think I was going to come back writing but because I've learned that was really stupid of me, I said "why should I be less of myself when I can be greater?" I said NO to being a coward. God said I have a gift and it was meant to be shared. My instinct said "just start writing!"
For the past few months, I went through the path of an intense spiritual awakening. I've also been through my lowest low and my highest high - all in the same year. I itch to share with you my experience but I'm told, the time is not ready. Not just yet. But you will soon know.
So because of the intense learning experience, I am now back much stronger, confident and wiser. I'd convinced myself that I rather be loathed for who I really am, than to be loved for who I am not. I am not me if I don't follow my passion, my instinct or my desires. It will make me sick. So I urge that you be you too. And not let your job, your status, your family or even your spouse DEFINE you. No one defines you, other than yourself.
From now on, you will notice that I am back with a better, bigger and bolder version of myself. I have so much to share, dear readers. I am healthier and so much wiser. I feel like an 80 year old woman stuck in a 29 year old body.
And as cheesy as it sounds, I have a big, important mission to fulfill. I'm now writing from a comfortable spot of Seventy-seven telling you this and as I'm still on this learning path, I have no clue to what it is. Sounds epic but no idea. I've only be told it is going to help many and it is going to be huge. It is happening already, in a small scale - I'm seeing the changes. I am preparing myself for it. Lets stroll with me if you like, and experience this together. Lets find out together, what it really is.
I'm happy to be back. Thank you again. You have all been my teachers and I've learned a lot from you. Truthfully. Love and light to all.