3/20/2008

One Door Closes, Another Wide Open

Jessie jots,

Like everybody else, I have my ups and downs as well. Two weeks ago, I experienced one of the worse moments in my life which left me feeling horribly sick, upset, guilty, angry and what not. I didn't have control over what happened the other day nor can I make it better. I guess it's just one of those DOWN moments you just have to live with. When that happen, I always find myself losing control over the other things I have control of, which in turn make things worse. Of course, I screwed up all the chances I had, such that suddenly a call for an interview after the much anticipated application for a new opportunity came in the middle of this whirlpool seemed so bleak to me. I just couldn't do it, which hit me hard afterwards because I began to see myself as a person who either can't think on her feet or a person who can't work under pressure. Just somebody no one wants to hire.

So there I was, wallowing in self-pity for a week until I finally got up and running again. Once in a while, dark clouds hover over me but it's alright, I can handle that. I do ponder on the thought of why the heck I tried so hard in everything I do? Only to have people tell me "take it easy, don't pressure yourself". I was given so many of these laid back comments that I decided to just make a new resolution for myself - that is to be more relax by taking things easy and see myself with a set of kinder eyes. Oh and watch more movies.

Just when I thought all my past efforts were going to waste with my new resolution, today, I found myself standing proud that it didn't go down the drain. A phonecall led to a pleasant surprise and kind of flattering in a sense. They offered me a new position that fits me even better. I was so ready to say YES but I knew I had to think about it because in my book, time is limited. Having said that, the new offer left me even more confuse with my new outlook in life. Not long ago, I just managed to kick the dark clouds away and found kind of liking the mundane things I've been doing regularly. With the new hope, I felt somewhat reluctant to let go of my comfortable spot I achieved. I've worked hard for it, I'm cosy now and now I have to peel my comfy blanket for this? But it's an opportunity I didn't have to attend an interview for. They made me an offer - how do I resist that? The rate only differs by a couple quarters, but chances of growing in the new place is potentially higher. It is just that the working at night schedule and possibility of not enjoying the new place is what worries me.

Questions starts pouring in. Heck, who cares about the snow storm hitting us tomorrow. Can I do it? Will I fail and fall back to square one? Will they be upset?

I'm breaking my new resolution already*sigh*. I've been repeatedly discourage to do what I used to do but this new hope gave me the encouragement and in some ways, reaffirm that my sweat and blood was well worth. I guess there is no right or wrong answers to this issue but it's more of a question that IS IT appropriate or inappropriate for my well being at this moment? A lot to think about this weekend.

2 comments:

janediva said...

Don't be too hard on yourself if things don't turn out well. You live, you learn. Some bad things could actually be blessings in disguise if you know what I mean :) Opportunities don't come knocking on your door everyday but if you have different priorities in life, you need to think if this hard-to-resist opportunity is worth changing your priorities for. Short term happiness over long term well-being, that's what I'm saying :) But if you could change this short term happiness to a long term one then it's a win-win situation right? Just my 2 cents. Happy thinking ;p

Jessie C said...

I totally understand what you mean. I agree that re-setting my priorities is crucial at the moment and honestly, it will be worth for a change. I'm leaning towards a YES as you can tell. I don't take your advice as only 2-cents worth especially when it comes from an intellect like you; I take them seriously. So thanks!