10/06/2009

Traumatized

Jessie jots...

It's been a few days now and I'm still traumatized. It was Friday, at 5.20pm. Half an hour before that, I call it quit with a frustrating moment, again with Maya. It was a long, long week for me... so I was looking forward to kick off my shoes and indulge on some TV time for the weekend. Hushby and I planned to dine out after he gets off from work. So when I picked him up driving from school, we head home to freshen up for dinner.

Hushby took the wheel and we chat about our day as usual but just as he turned right onto Del Obispo, there was a slight jam. We couldn't move for a minute or two and it was unusual for that to happen at a 40 mph street. Just two cars in front of us was some black smoke coming off from a small trailer that is parked by the street. I thought it was an explosion. Hushby still continued talking and I stopped him, questioning him about the smoke. The black smoke immediately led my eye down to the trailer's broken back... and I was shock! I told Yew Wai to slow down, knowing that it can be serious.

It was not just dented, the smashed wall pushed in and I could see through the trailer. I knew it wasn't an explosion then. Still moving slowly, avoiding the accident scene... I look further and below the trailer was a motorcycle, smashed into pieces. I couldn't tell the source of the smoke but I knew it just happened as there was a man standing with his arms wide open, looking so shock, he was obviously shaken. Left to the motorcycle was a body on the ground, it was of a man's whose body parts I couldn't make sense off. I knew he was wearing jeans and I saw the helmet but it was beyond my understanding how everything was off. The scene was bloody, and things seems blurry after I saw it. Yew Wai put his phone down when he saw the two ladies pulled up to the scene. One trying to call the police, the other took a piece of cloth to cover the body. They were quick to act, but I was completely shock and shaken from then on.

When my visions got blurry, Yew Wai told me to stop looking. It was gruesome with the details he saw. He made sense of it immediately but I lost my senses, feeling horrible later. It was a sick to the stomach feeling... then there was all these questions running through my head. Did he die? Yew Wai said he saw the man still breathing. How it happened? Was he a reckless motorcyclist? The trailer was parked on a parking spot, how did he not see it?

Then we read this article online. And felt even worse.

I try to just leave the scene and move on. But it has been 5 days, and I'm still haunted by the scene, the possibility of getting crash, the reckless drivers on the road... all that is affecting me. We've even avoided taking that road now but it was useless, my mind is still playing the scene over and over again

I want to let go but I don't know how. How do you move on? What do you do?

6 comments:

janediva said...

Just hope and pray that the motorcyclist is going to be fine. My youngest uncle got into very bad motorcycle-lorry accident more than 15 years ago and I can still remember his blood soaked shirt from that night. He survived and now married with 3 kids.

Jessie C said...

Jane, he didn't survive. He died from the crash.

janediva said...

:( I'm sorry.

Jessie C said...

It's OK. My condolences to the family of Bradley Wilson. I hope they are OK... life has to go on.

zleenz said...

sorry to hear that he didnt survive the crash... :-(
trauma can be bad, although just as witness.hope u are ok...

Charlotte said...

Jessie, I don't know how to move on from this kind of thing, except that when the memories come, breathe and let them in... and let them pass when they are ready.

My best friend from high school was in a car accident where one woman died after hitting an oncoming truck. Fortunately, my friend was behind them both & not seriously hurt. If you want, I can ask for his advice, just let me know.

Big hugs & let's talk more soon!!